How to Disagree with Your U.S. Colleagues, Partners, and Clients

Dr. Elke Framson
3 days ago
3 min read

Disagreement can be tricky. And if not done right, it can create tension, damage relationships, and even break deals. A simple research-based formula can help you disagree more smoothly and constructively – with Americans and anyone else too.

Your Actual Words Matter

“No Elke, you are wrong here.” That’s what one of my European clients said to me recently in a meeting. While disagreement is universal, I know that people across cultures do it differently, so the comment didn’t really bother me. But I also know that in the U.S., such a direct approach might not go over so well.

Americans tend to disagree differently. When I moved to the U.S. years ago, I had to adapt the way I voice my views to develop and maintain good relationships. I learned to disagree more smoothly and constructively by doing three things:

acknowledging my conversation partner's perspective,
hedging my own claims, and
humanizing my opinion.

A recent Harvard Business Review article ("A Smarter Way to Disagree" by Julia A. Minson, Hanne K. Collins, and Michael Yeomans) supports this approach and cites various studies that show how taking these steps – acknowledging, hedging, and humanizing – can keep dialogs constructive, even when people disagree.

Here’s some more detail.

How to Voice Constructive Disagreement

1. Acknowledge the Other Side.

When you acknowledge your counterpart’s opinion you show them that you’ve been listening. They know that they’ve been heard.

Here’s a simple sentence you can use: “I hear you.” Then rephrase their argument. Or try “That’s a valid point.” Then move on to state your view concisely.

We all want to be heard. Getting verbal confirmation that that’s the case can be of great value. It keeps the tone collaborative. At the same time, it doesn’t mean that you agree.

2. Hedge Your Claims.

Hedging is a nuanced skill. Too much of it and you come across as indecisive. Too little, and you’ll be perceived as blunt and inconsiderate. If you work with Americans, it’s a skill you must learn.

So, when you share an opinion, rather than asserting that you are 100% right, hedge your claim.

Here’s a simple phrase you can use: “From my view...”. Then add your opinion. Or use an I-phrase before you state your claim: “I see it differently, though.”

These phrases signal openness and avoid unnecessary confrontation. Read my blog on hedging to find out more about how this strategy works.

3. Humanize.

Our experiences drive our perspectives. But keep in mind that your counterpart doesn’t know the experiences that have shaped your views.

So, when hard facts and data fail to convince them, share a story that shows how you formed your views. Apart from supporting your argument, stories are an effective way to connect on a more personal and emotional level.

Here’s an easy way to lead into a story: “Can I share a quick story?” Then tell your story, making sure it’s relatable and concise.

What May Hold You Back

These steps sound simple in theory, but for non-native speakers, it can be challenging to put them into practice — for two main reasons: cultural background and language skills.

Cultural Background

You may come from a culture that is more straightforward and confrontational. For example, research shows that Germans tend to be more confrontational than Americans. Voicing direct disagreement is more common and doesn’t automatically harm relationships. In the U.S., on the other hand, a straightforward “no” may be seen as a conversation blocker, possibly even a personal attack.

From my coaching sessions I know that German speakers often find hedge phrases insincere, inefficient, und unnecessary. So they don't use them. For Americans they’re a normal part of everyday speaking.

Language Skills

You don't know how to effectively combine the right phrases with your core message. You may also find it challenging to paraphrase what someone else said. For many people, concise and compelling storytelling can be another hurdle.

You can learn, practice, and master all these skills – and you can make the mindset shift that is required to not feel fake when disagreeing the American way.

Mastering disagreement not only helps you avoid misunderstandings — it builds trust, influence, and credibility in U.S. business culture. Investing time and effort into the language and strategies of disagreement pays off. If you need help becoming better at this and other real-life communication situations, reach out to me. I’d be happy to help!