Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you started a conversation with a native English speaker only to see a perplexed or blank expression on their face? The person didn’t understand what you said. You had to repeat your words several times. It’s an unsettling experience that can quickly erode your confidence and leave you feeling insecure about your communication skills.
Here are some insights on why this happens to many non-native speakers (even those that speak English well) and what you can do to reduce the chances of it happening to you.
I’m sorry, what was that?
You exchanged a few emails and now it’s time for the next step: a conference call. The person on the other end is an American distributor and you are excited about the call. This could be a great opportunity for your business and for your US expansion efforts.
In your head, you practiced what you want to say, and you have your notes right next to you. You feel well-prepared for the meeting and start off with confidence.
“I’m sorry, what was that?”, is the response to your first question. So, you repeat it. A confused look again. You’re starting to get uncomfortable and give it another try. Why can this person not understand you? The sound quality of the call seems to be fine, and you are almost 100% sure that there are no mistakes in what you’re saying. What an awkward start to the meeting.
The unsettling reality of the confused look
Not understanding the native speaker you’re communicating with can be a frustrating experience.
But there is another, possibly even more unsettling communication issue: not being understood. From my experience as a communication coach, I know that people are really thrown off balance when their comments or questions are met with a confused look and when they are forced to repeat and rephrase to be understood. In fact, many are more afraid of not being understood by native speakers than of not understanding them.
We find it embarrassing and frustrating. It makes us question our abilities and lose confidence in our competence.
It interrupts the flow of the conversation.
In addition, it causes us to lose focus. We have a hard time concentrating on the conversation topic, as we worry about not being understood and about not being able to make our point.
If you have ever had to repeat your comments and questions several times, I can assure you that you are not alone. It is a common occurrence. But why does it happen?
3 reasons why a native speaker may be struggling to understand what you're saying
1) You have an accent
Unless you started learning English at a very young age or have lived in an English-speaking country for a long time, you most likely have an accent that is influenced by your native tongue. If your native tongue is German, for example, your accent and speech melody carry features of German. As a result, you sound “foreign” and “different” to American ears.
Scientists know that when we hear sounds and rhythms that are different from what we are used to and expect, our brains have to work much harder to understand. We also process the information more slowly and need more time to make sense of it.
Overall, we have a harder time comprehending “accented speech” than speech that is similar to our own. It’s nobody’s fault – it’s simply how the brain works.
2) You are nervous
When we speak at important events, such as conferences, or in high-stakes situations, such as important meetings or negotiations, most of us are a bit nervous. As a result, we speak faster.
The faster pace leads to other problems. You start stumbling over your words. You fall more and more into the rhythm of your own language. This will make it even harder for your audience or conversation partners to understand you.
3) Unconventional pronunciation or word usage
The English language has a vast vocabulary and many different varieties. It's possible that you mispronounce a word. It's also possible that you say something that is correct, but unfamiliar to your conversation partner's ears. This can cause confusion or misunderstanding.
What to do about it: 5 tips
1) Slow down and add pauses
The easiest fix for this problem is to slow down. Whether you’re giving a presentation to an audience who has never heard you speak or whether you are in a meeting with a new group of people, give your listeners some time to get used to your manner of speaking.
As you prepare for a conversation or presentation, time your words per minute. Actively practice speaking at a slower pace. In English, the standard speed of speaking is about 150 words per minute. Practice reading and speaking below that pace, knowing that in the situation you are going to get faster.
Pause frequently. You can even add pause symbols to your notes, so you don’t forget to do so in the situation.
2) Keep it simple
Keep your language simple. There are two good reasons for that: First, if you stay away from overly complicated vocabulary and sentence structures, you will reduce the likelihood of stumbling and making mistakes.
Secondly, know that in the US, people place the responsibility for understanding on the speaker. If the audience cannot follow your presentation, it’s your fault. If your conversation partner cannot follow your argumentation, it’s your fault. By using clear and simple language, you are increasing your chances of getting your point across.
3) Develop and practice your vocabulary
Spend some time on developing the vocabulary you need to express your thoughts and ideas clearly. Every field has specific words and expressions. As you develop your vocabulary, make sure to consider the conventions of your audience.
4) Use props
In some situations, you can use visuals or props to illustrate what you’re saying. Know that your listeners want to understand you, but they need a little bit of help. A picture or an object can have the added benefit of sparking interest, which means that people will listen more closely.
5) Work with a coach
A coach can help you identify weaknesses. Furthermore, a coach is not afraid to give you honest feedback and constructive guidance on how you can improve and handle difficult situations.
By the way, don’t make it your goal to eliminate your accent altogether. It’s a goal that is very hard to reach. Be proud of your heritage but mindful of the challenges your way of speaking may present to your listeners.
The complicated nature of cross-cultural communication
Communication problems are part of cross-cultural interactions. Above, I described problems that are rooted in how we speak. Another source of miscommunication is the culture-specific behavior people bring to the table. Different norms and communications styles can cause a person’s intended message to be misunderstood or not understood at all. But that’s a topic for another blog.
If you want to bring your skills to the next level and avoid the unsettling experience of not being understood by your partners, customers, and other audiences, contact me. I can help. Arrange a free 30-minute consultation to discuss your communication needs and goals. I look forward to hearing from you.
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